De ce in calendarul lui Chuck Norris se trece direct de la 31 martie la 2 aprilie?
Nimeni nu il pacaleste de Chuck Norris!
Nimeni nu il pacaleste de Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris nu poarta ceas. El decide cat e ceasul.
De ce doarme Chuck Norris cu lumina aprinsa? Nu pt ca ii e teama de intuneric, ci pt ca intunericului ii e frica de el.
Chuck Norris nu va face niciodata infarct. Inima nu e atat de tampita sa-l atace.
Chuck Norris joaca ruleta ruseasca cu pistolul plin. Si castiga mereu.
In loc de picaturi de ochi, Chuck Norris foloseste sos picant.
Cand Chuck Norris taie ceapa, nu plange el, ci ceapa.
Chuck Norris nu are frunte. Ala e doar al treilea sau pumn.
Nu exista lesbiene. Doar femei care nu l-au cunoscut inca pe Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doarme cu perna sub pistol.
Chuck Norris a fost deja pe Marte, de aceea acolo nu exista viata.
Chuck Norris nu poate sa iubeasca, el poate doar sa nu ucida.
Chuck Norris stranuta cu ochii deschisi.
Cand merge la culcare, Bau-Bau se uita in dulap si sub pat sa nu fie cumva acolo Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris a reusit sa numere pana la infinit. De doua ori.
Chuck Norris poate sa aplaude cu o singura mana.
Chuck Norris nu doarme. El asteapta.
Chuck Norris poate sa dea foc la furnici cu lupa. Noaptea!
Chuck Norris a lovit odata un cal in barba. Descendentii acelui cal se numesc acum girafe.
Chuck Norris s-a nascut intr-o cabana construita de el.
Chuck Norris a inghitit odata un borcan de somnifere. L-au facut sa clipeasca.
Chuck Norris doneaza regulat sange la crucea rosie, dar niciodata al lui.
Chuck Norris a ars odata o padure cand facea experimente cu apa.
Cand Chuck Norris face flotari, nu se ridica pe el, el impinge Pamantul in jos.
Mulţi oameni au pijamale cu Superman. Superman are pijamale cu Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris a lovit o singură dată pe lângă - de atunci cerul e albastru.
Zâmbetul lui Chuck Norris a readus odată un caţeluş la viaţă.
Chuck Norris a mers pe stradă odată, având o erecţie masivă - nu au fost supravieţuitori.
Casa lui Chuck Norris nu are uşi sau ferestre, are numai ziduri prin care acesta trece.
Un jurnalist a fost ucis azi de Chuck Norris. Nimeni nu îi ia nimic lui Chuck Norris, nici măcar un interviu.
Chuck Norris a mers pe stradă odată, având o erecţie masivă - nu au fost supravieţuitori.
Casa lui Chuck Norris nu are uşi sau ferestre, are numai ziduri prin care acesta trece.
Un jurnalist a fost ucis azi de Chuck Norris. Nimeni nu îi ia nimic lui Chuck Norris, nici măcar un interviu.
De ce purtau pilotii kamikaze casca? Le era frica de Chuck Norris!
Ştii de ce plâng copiii la naştere? Pentru că ştiu că vor trăi într-o lume cu Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris nu are păr acolo jos... părul nu creşte pe oţel!!
Când Chuck Norris îţi arată degetul, nu o face ca să te înjure... doar îţi arată câte secunde mai ai de trait!
O piatră poate crăpa în două... Chuck Norris a fost singurul care a crăpat două pietre într-una una!
Chuck Norris s-a bătut cu Superman. Nu se ştie cine a câştigat, dar perdantul a trebuit să poarte chiloţii pe deasupra pantalonilor.
Un rechin a vrut să îl atace pe Chuck Norris - a murit înecat.
Nu exista bombă atomică... E doar Chuck Norris când se aruncă din avion fără paraşută.
Mai eşti... sau ai dat ochii cu Chuck Norris?
Mori de râs? Atunci e Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris nu are păr acolo jos... părul nu creşte pe oţel!!
Când Chuck Norris îţi arată degetul, nu o face ca să te înjure... doar îţi arată câte secunde mai ai de trait!
O piatră poate crăpa în două... Chuck Norris a fost singurul care a crăpat două pietre într-una una!
Chuck Norris s-a bătut cu Superman. Nu se ştie cine a câştigat, dar perdantul a trebuit să poarte chiloţii pe deasupra pantalonilor.
Un rechin a vrut să îl atace pe Chuck Norris - a murit înecat.
Nu exista bombă atomică... E doar Chuck Norris când se aruncă din avion fără paraşută.
Mai eşti... sau ai dat ochii cu Chuck Norris?
Mori de râs? Atunci e Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris does't have a di** ! He is a di** !
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris!
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris!
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead!
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. 
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' di** is so big, it has it's own di**, and that di** is still bigger than yours.
In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
Chuck Norris' di** is so big, it has it's own di**, and that di** is still bigger than yours.
In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong!
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong!
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always talks about himself in the first person . Nobody adresses Chuck Norris , not even Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctor
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
O parte din bancuri sunt luate de aici: Bancuri cu Chuck Norris
Neaparat sa vedeti si asta ;)
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